He Writes Letters, You Know!

In previous posts I talked about the thrill of receiving an elegantly hand written letter from my cousin Bill Tarbuck in the West Midlands of England. It’s historically a working class region – and in many ways remains so. Bill (a hearty 80-something) retains the tradition of the Literary Letter –  prose written with a thoughtful style that’s all but disappeared in the Twitter Age. My world stops spinning when a letter from Bill arrives in the post. Inside the envelope is a journey in time and place.

This month’s letter featured a story retold by Bill that I want to share. You’ll miss the visual experience of words written in straight and careful lines of cursive with embellished initial letters that were once taught as part of penmanship. But his scripted remembrances speak to his prowess as a story teller and much loved denizen of the British Legion Social Club where he’s held court Friday nights for more than 60 years and of the iconic Duke of Cambridge Pub in Short Heath, his Thursday haunt. On my topic of Optimistic Aging - it speaks to one of many myths about growing older and helplessly forgetful.

“In our past written exchanges you have often complimented me on my somewhat quaint method of letter writing. Thank you again for your kind sentiments, but I make no claims for outstanding penmanship. On the contrary, I am none other than typical of my generation.

However, I am slightly proud of one letter written thirty years ago. You have met Ted and Ray, my midweek drinking pals – so here is the story: Before going out one evening to meet up with the aforementioned duo, I had listened to a radio sports programme about an important cricket match between two county teams, Somerset and Yorkshire. The commentator was Richie Benaud (pronounced Benno), a very famous Australian cricket captain and later a very respected radio and TV journalist.

During the broadcast an unusual incident in the play occurred and Benaud made a rare but understandable mistake in the commentary.

Later that evening in the pub, I mentioned that Benaud had made an uncharacteristic error. Ray said, “Here we go again Tarbuck, you get more senile by the hour. Benaud was not even commenting during that phase of the match.”

You may have noticed, Ray and Ted are twenty years younger than yours truly, so through the years in good natured banter I was always (And still am) the senile old gentleman.
Walking home that evening I thought, am I really getting that old? No, I am sure of my version, but how do I prove it? I know. I will write Benaud a letter. Cheeky maybe, but it might succeed.

I took very great care in formulating that letter written with a rapidiograph pen and India Ink … The look on Ray’s face when I handed him the reply (Benaud wrote “Yes, I was commenting at the time …) about three weeks later was worth the effort.
When similar situations have arisen since then, Ray has a stock remark. “Be careful when you contradict Tarbuck. He writes letters, you know!”

Love and very best wishes,
Cousin Bill "

In the West Midlands, interactions such as these take place in pubs where folks meet for a pint (properly pronounced “point” in the dialect) and warm companionship.  The younger set generally defers to the elders and listens respectfully to stories from the ages.  In an era of speed, multi tasking and wireless anonymity, here in the C'olonies' where we disparage the concept of growing old - pub culture and Cousin Bill Tarbuck’s letters from the Olde World remind me savor the precious gifts of time.

Ted, Ray and Bill Tarbuck at the Duke of Cambridge



The Pub - Where Elders Get Respect

I recently had the privilege of being the warm-up speaker for the esteemed geriatrician Dr. Michael McCloud at the Eskaton Foundation’s annual breakfast.  It was a great opportunity to talk about some of the positive realities of entering the Baby Boomer era – the silver tsunami of the 21^st century.

 I recounted to the crowd of assembled business leaders and Eskaton partners how America had come to adopt an attitude about society’s elders that’s relegated them to relative irrelevance. To summarize: prior to the Industrial Revolution, elders were valued for their wisdom and occupied a place of societal esteem. They were the keepers of wisdom, experience and historical knowledge – all highly regarded attributes. With the Industrial Revolution came the concept of labor and earning power. Incrementally, this grew into ideas about ‘retirement’ and, well, being metaphorically put out to pasture. The value of a person shifted from intrinsic to extrinsic – inner worth to earning power. The collective view of retirement made elders (our seniors) seem irrelevant – older people no longer contributing to society and doing little more than taking up space.

With the new Baby Boomer demographic rising on the horizon, there is promise this may change. Baby Boomers hold 77% of the nation’s wealth, for example. We make up nearly one-third of the movie-going audience; we buy more online products than any other group and our expectations of retirement are quite different from those of our parents. We like to work and intend to contribute to society for decades beyond retirement age. By becoming economically relevant, older Americans may regain the place of esteem they’ve earned by virtue of long life experience. We may Go Back to the Future.

I was reminded of this on a recent trip to the West Midlands of England – a land of men and women from hardy stock that worked coal mines and canals and pounded out hand forged nails. Though I’m not fond of bars and lounges here in America, I was a frequent guest at cozy pubs in Short Heath where friends met as ritual repeated over decades – every Thursday night, the British Legion Club, a few pints, tales recounted, buckets of laughs, losses shared, high points celebrated. One gentleman joked that the sum of the ages around the table was about 1,200 years!  I was surrounded by the wisdom of age, and those younger than myself deferred to their elders, not with condescension but out of respect. We don’t get to experience that here in the States so much and, alas, we have no real ‘pub life’ that compares.  

I find it regrettable that the U.S. dollar promises to be the currency of change for America’s perception of aging – I’d rather we honored age for more altruistic reasons. But, in the end, the means may not matter. They say business should not see “gray” when considering older consumers, instead business should see “green.” Indeed – picture a wadded-up $1000 bill that, when unfolded reveals 76 million men and women anxious to share their wealth of life experience.

British Legion pub-friends share respectful life experiences

The next 'ism' battle - Ageism

Fellow Americans, we have a daunting task in front of us. I’m not talking about the  sorry state of the economy or the slow mudslide oozing from the halls of Congress. I’m talking about something much closer to heart and home for Baby Boomers and beyond – our own self-esteem.

In doing some research for a talk I’ll give soon at the Eskaton Foundation’s annual breakfast, I ran across a startling concept. We are the victims of our own lifelong attitudes toward aging – and those preconceptions are anything but positive. Just consider the vernacular that surrounds older Americans – geezer, old fart, biddy, codger, blue hair – you get the picture. Now, most of us wouldn’t think of using similar epithets in reference to a race, religion or sexual preference. But, when it comes to the elders in our culture the PC filter is missing.

Think about this: If you are black, you’ll never be white or Asian or Indian. If you are male (barring a surgical procedure) you’ll not ever be a woman. But, whether man or woman and despite what race you are, do you aspire to be a healthy 85 or 90 years old? Or would you prefer to die young and unmarred by time in the prime of life and at your physical peak? Pretty clear choice for most of us! The one thing humanity has in common is the hope that one day we will all enter the ranks of the elder generation.

Thus, we must ask why we spend at least half our lives disparaging those beyond middle age and accepting stereotypes of what it means to age. I think the reason is, in part, that America has yet to wake up to this last bastion of prejudice. It’s been socially okay to make wholesale assumptions about the state of our elders and hang on to sweeping generalities that don’t hold up under close scrutiny: older people lose mental capacity with advancing age; they are slow to react; crappy drivers; have bad dispositions; can’t count change in a grocery line; don’t use technology; collect and hoard small objects; are nearly deaf and most certainly incapable of complex thought or original creation.

These are subconscious beliefs  we carry as we move through life into our own old age. Why then should we be proud to enter the realm of the elders? If we are to make the most of our advanced years, wouldn’t it be better to arrive there armed with optimism and plans for how to enjoy the treasure of riches we’ve accumulated over the years? The wisdom, experience, education, self-determination and dreams we have yet to realize?



Poet Laureate Silverstein is featured in Bee story

The Sacramento Bee’s Anita Creamer wrote about one such 80-year-old woman - an activist poet Laureate who recently joined a blue grass band. Or, consider Fred Harrold, 80-some year-old retired business leader who is a dedicated volunteer with hospice services and serves on the U.C. Davis Mini Med School Advisory Board that supports positive, healthy aging. There are millions of older Americans like these two. They represent the ever growing number of elders who defy stereotyping and provide new role models for aging in America.

I think it’s time for those of us who fueled the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s to once again stand up and be heard. Ageism must go the way of racism, sexism and religious intolerance. We won’t march in the streets anytime soon, but we can speak up when spoken down to and we can make our voices heard above the din of misconceptions. Let’s talk about, write about and adopt a new attitude that retires ageism and makes way for a new reality - optimistic and honored elders in America.

Fat and Fit at odds with healthy aging

As someone who pays attention to aging issues I incorrectly assumed that other baby boomers were similarly attracted to news and information about healthy longevity. After all, we have at our finger tips, via technology, access to remarkable research about the aging process and how to manage our health. No other generation has enjoyed similar resources that hold promise to redefine what it means to be an elder in American society.

But, oops, I was naive. A recent news story pointed out that not only are we not taking advantage of the wealth of information available, we are, in fact, brazenly ignoring it and passively winning (if that's the right expression) the distinction of being the nation’s most obese generation. 

  

Obesity is the number one cause of preventable death in the U.S. Only a very small percentage of our population suffers from metabolic obesity. What’s up with the rest of us? I  Am thinking that overweight baby boomers are subject to the same phenomenon that's led to Italy (home of the famed Mediterranean diet) being identified as the fattest country in Europe.  Researchers say that Italians still eat the same healthy food but now do so in front of the television.  Clearly, a sedentary life in front of a screen ... any screen ... threatens health at almost any age.

Friends, it doesn't take much to battle this bulge! Experts say that 2.5 hours of aerobic exercise over the course of a week will significantly and positively affect the body and mind. Any kind of movement that increases heart rate and oxygen flow to the brain will do the trick. Walk, swim, bike, row, skate. Move with your own muse, but for heaven’s sake move!

Obesity from poor diet and/or lack of exercise can lead to an encounter with heart disease, the nation’s number one killer and leading cause of hospitalization on older adults. And that's not the end of it. Think diabetes, severe joint problems that can lead to immobility, digestive ailments and a host of other related maladies.

There is no excuse for us to amble ignorantly down this path. News about health and aging is now on the front pages of daily newspapers and on major news websites. You have to close your eyes and your mind to miss it.

There are events in life over which we have little control. Things happen. Therefore, it is empowering as well as beneficial to take charge of that which we can manipulate to our direct benefit. Committing to a few hours of potentially enjoyable exercise and managing our daily diets is an affordable opportunity with huge health benefits.

Baby boomers, we've got a brass ring within reach. Remember when we were anxious to grab that prize on the merry-go-round? I do, and I am still reaching, but now it may mean the difference between life and death.

Center Stage for Act Two - Birthday Blog

 Anita Creamer recently wrote a story on co-housing options for older adults that ran in the Sacramento Bee. Here is yet another signal that the nation’s elders are not simply surrendering to the mythology of old age but are, instead, claiming greater control and responsibility for their lives. In this case, they choose to not only take care of themselves but also to care for the well being of their neighbors.

Many of us who stand at the threshold of the grand Baby Boomer era see latter years as potentially better years – filled with choice, determination and productivity. Today, July 12, I officially join this distinguished generation, the largest single population the nation has ever experienced. And, I am pleased to say, that I do so with a far greater consciousness about life and my place in it than I’ve ever before experienced. It is a sense of freedom heretofore largely absent in my life. I feel as if I can plan and choose, so long as I pay attention to my changing body and re-born mind.

Since it’s my birthday, permit me to indulge myself (I promise future posts will be more informative and useful in achieving health and longevity). I’ve been very fortunate in terms of what I’ve done and where I’ve been over the years. I’ve been able to carve out a professional life that was adventurous and interesting. As a reporter I had license to meet lots of fascinating people such as Cid Caesar, Hubert Humphrey, Chuck Yeager, several governors and many (some-slimy) members of Congress. I flew in a hot air balloon race, descended to the inky depths of a tungsten mine, suited up in a diver’s helmet to look for a sunken WWII plane in a high mountain lake, spent several days with the Ringling Bros. Circus – including a visit to the legendary ‘clown alley’ - and ate rattle snake meat just to get a story.

I experienced nearly a week in the bowels of a major forest fire and was within a couple of blocks of the crash of a cargo plane carrying fire retardant - we ran from a great ball of flame roiling toward us like a burning boulder consuming everything in its path. The photographer and I won an award for that series. I did stories on the famous few and the uncommon-commonplace: ranchers, rodeo riders, a former suffragette, inspiring teachers and shady preachers. I appeared on MTV, made a few videos which aired on public television and, a crowning moment, was kissed on the cheek by Sydney Poitier.

I did a story on a bronze foundry and thought to myself – I can do that! And I could; sculpting came quite naturally. I have a piece on permanent display at the Sacramento Zoo. Today, this is a very, very expensive hobby.

A crowning moment happened in England as I hopped from train at Paddington Station, hailed a signature Black Cab and said "Ten Downing Street, please," in a subtle, affected English accent. I had a tenative appointment to interview Tony Blair, but still had to chat-up the armed guard at the gates before being admitted to the waiting room of the legendary address. Tony, alas, was otherwise occupied - I got apologies and several photos with cheerful police wearing flak vests and wide smiles.

Outside of the job I remained adventurous. I’ve written 3 entire mystery novels and published 2 books. I was a diva on the stage, retiring after playing Sally Bowles in Cabaret. I sang with little jazz bands and recorded my own vocal CD. I recall singing Granada in Spanish with Romanian musicians in the lounge of a Greek ship in the Mediterranean. After, a striking older woman floated to my little table, leaned elegantly over and said in a throaty voice, “My dear, if it was my week for women, I’d choose you.” I was enormously flattered.



This is to say that I believe I’ve lived my life backwards – being completely open and multi-tasking any adventure life tossed in my path while others around me stayed focus and on some predetermined track. I can make no judgment about either trajectory but now I finally feel the freedom to say “no thank you.”

So, welcome to Act Two, I say to myself as this birthday 65 arrives. I hope to make good use of these elder years. More focused on quality than on quantity. More in attuned to the beat of my internal drum. More in harmony with the melody of essential life. And this blog is part of that new adventure – a gift to me today that I’ve given myself by writing this tiny memoir, knowing you are taking the time to read it. Thank you.

Honoring Elders - Old Idea is New Again

My daughter and her spouse gave me a refrigerator magnet that repeats the oft delivered message, “Age is a State of Mind.” I’ve written about this in previous blogs with the response that age is relative to a person’s state of mind but it is also undeniably a state of physical change. I was inspired by the refrigerator magnet while reaching for a glass of calcium rich almond milk (dark chocolate). It features the observations of the aging icon George Burns who claimed, “Old, Young. Just words.”

I have issues with this on a couple of fronts. First, I would definitely not want to be 25 or 30 again with the mindset that generally comes with the age (although George did enjoy the company of very young ladies very late in life). Secondly, I think there’s no harm in age distinctions so long as they don’t rely on silly stereotypes and negative expectations. I rather like the way that Assembly Member Mariko Yamada explained the matter of age in a recent committee hearing. She said that, so far as the Golden State is concerned, when a person reaches 65 he or she is regarded as an “elder.” Now, before I set off any knee-jerk reactions, let me add that my personal reference point to the term “elder” comes from my university studies in anthropology – where one learns that an elder is a respected, honored individual who has earned an exalted place in a culture due to many years rich with living and learning. It was later in life that I encountered the terms “elderly, senior citizen, and retiree” – none of which carry similar positive connotations.

I am an advocate of changing this latter perception – from one that speaks of decline and weakness of body and mind as a feature of age to a new awareness of the many benefits of being an elder in America. With the arrival of the huge Baby Boomer generation, there is a rapidly growing body of scientific and medical research that supports the value of society’s elders and offers new strategies for healthy, active longevity.

A short list of benefits enjoyed by the 65-plus set includes the ability to leverage thought processes on both hemispheres of the brain (a link not available to most of the younger population), thus allowing for greater brain power in problem solving and managing social situations. And, happy to shatter another presumption about aging, our brains continue to grow and react to stimulation. We can make ourselves smarter by conscious design – think learning a musical instrument or a new language or, even learning to dance. The priorities of elders are significantly clearer and more focused than in the younger generation. We make more cogent choices about what’s important; we can opt to not be involved in conflict and negativity. We have the ability to make sound judgments because we have a storehouse of experience to call upon. In new situations we are able to apply lessons learned, quite intuitively. The list of up-sides is long and I look forward to looking at the positives in greater detail with you on this blog.

I am always interested in feedback and guidance to great resources on healthy aging and I urge you to comment so that, together, we can create agreement that becoming an elder is a moment of great opportunity – one to be exploited, enjoyed and explored.

Healthy longevity ahead

While many baby boomers, such as myself, feel like 35 year-olds encased in the body of a 60-year-old, the mere passage of time brings changes, challenges and – believe it or not – opportunities.

Today, when the average life span for a woman born in 2009 is 79 years and about 72 for men, even 40-somethings are considering how to prepare for active longer lives. It’s true that this may not happen if we don’t consciously look forward and adapt our behaviors accordingly. This might be particularly true for men who, as you see, statistically live shorter lives than women. It’s not that women are superior to men, (although I once believed that back in the 70s) but that we manage our health differently and “engage in less risky behaviors - such as lounging on the couch and watching sports, smoking, driving sans seat belts and other activities. There are also certain hormonal differences that contribute to a male’s shorter lifespan. But, consider that an American born in 1776 had a life expectancy of 36 years. We’ve come a long way. It’s common to hear that today’s 70 is yesterday’s 50, and with medical research revealing new secrets about aging, we might be able to prove that hypothesis.

Consider that, in 1950 there were 3,000 centenarians in the U.S. Today that number has risen to an estimated 55,000. By 2050, experts anticipate there will be 1 million centenarians. I’ll have to take that on faith because, realistically, I won’t be one of them.

Abundant resources are available to guide us through healthy and positive aging. Information, however, seldom comes knocking on our doors. It’s incumbent on each of us to search out opportunities to get the facts about nutrition, exercise, attitude and social networks that support healthy aging.

Taking personal responsibility for our journey into greater maturity creates new opportunities to exert control over our lives. We don’t have to become frail or depressed. We don’t need to feel unattractive or too old to enjoy activities. Research already shows that the stereotype of aging doesn’t stand up to reality. But, ultimately, it’s up to each of us to make the decision to join the new era of people consciously aging well.

Exercising Daily Opportunity

A woman in my Mini-Med School class at UC Davis responded to a lecture about the importance of exercise with a remark that likely represented a significant percentage of students – most over the age of 45. “Honestly, I have to tell you that I just hate exercise,” she boldly admitted. “I’d much rather hunker down on the couch with a book.!” There was a collective mummer of agreement.

For people who strongly resist the idea of beginning an exercise program – and also for those who grasp the importance of it, I have some painless short cuts that I’ve integrated into my daily routine for years.
Say “No thanks, I don’t need any help,” when the courteous grocery clerk offers to have someone carry your bags – or push your cart – to your car. If you’ve just filled a small hand-carry basket and you have two or three bags of groceries, it’s very likely you can manage to get them to the car yourself, without a cart. I balance the load using the bag handles, walk slowly and do a few repetitions of arm lifts. I get to work my biceps while pulling in my stomach muscles and tucking in the hip area to maintain proper posture for standing exercise. It’s very important to understand the ergonomic way to do this because it’s possible to do it wrong and hurt your back. If you’ve pushed the cart, again, flex your arm muscles, pull in your tummy and the gluteal muscles as you walk. Use conscious posture while lifting and loading bags into your car and feel the muscles you are using. So you get maybe 8 to 10 reps of arm lifts, some healthy tightening of the core area and, if you park far enough from the store, a little aerobic walking for extra measure.

Stairs are your friend. If you live in a two story home – and any time you have the opportunity to take the stairs rather than ride an elevator – you’ve got an opportunistic exercise. To make stair climbing count as exercise you have to again be conscious of your body. Tuck the pelvis in, tighten the gluteal muscles and stomach muscles. (Don’t climb with your back curved and butt out.) With this erect posture, climb stairs so that you feel the muscles in your legs tighten and lift you. You should feel it in your thighs and in your calves.
The vacuum cleaner is more than it seems, as is the garden rake and push broom. Of course, these implements are designed to make cleaning easy, but I use them as power tools. I tighten up my biceps when I push and pull the vacuum, pull in the core muscles and condition myself as I clean the house. There are numerous opportunities to slip in a little “opportunistic exercise” every day – and what you can do depends on your schedule and activities. Just be open to those moments and prepared to use them.

By the way, people do look at me strangely when I am power lifting my grocery bags. But, one of the freedoms of growing older is really not caring what people in the parking lot think about me. Of course, consult with your doc about any exercise program – even my “accidental” routines.

Creative brain overcomes 'senior' moments

It’s very easy to accept and excuse changes in memory and responsiveness as age advances. After a certain decade, it’s not uncommon to hear jokes about “senior moments.” I do not find this trifle amusing and I never have – even as a younger woman. Perhaps it’s because I’ve had lapses of memory for my entire life and find little difference now. Let me illustrate:

In high school there was a regular contingent (mostly from the music department) who would show up after early morning orchestra practice to deliver what I’d left behind in the cafeteria before class. Usually, it was my purse. I clearly recall losing a lovely yellow cardigan that was Christmas present, the first day I wore it to school. Santa was not happy and never forgot. I lost gloves and hats (life threatening in a Minnesota winter) and went on to become a chronic loser of house keys, car keys, cars in parking lots, library books and whatever was figuratively not attached to my body.

Rather than become more acute, this loser syndrome has subsided with age. Now, it’s usually just car keys – and they are misplaced, not lost. Like so many people, I’ve learned to compensate for a weakness and have it better under control now than ever before. I certainly don’t attribute anything to “senior moments” and I urge you to also purge that expression from your vocabulary.

Consequently, I was very excited when I ran across a study published by the American Society on Aging in 2006. It was written by Gene D. Cohen, Ph.D. who recently passed away after many years of studying the aging process. The research, funded by a grant, drew upon numerous studies along with control group studies with older people at sites across the nation. Most fascinating for me – due to my passion for the arts – is that it focuses the positive impact that involvement in the arts can have upon the brain as we age. The results are physical (new pathways and connections that build in the brain), emotional (a heightened sense of well being), and social (a strong network of friends and acquaintances).

There are some purely physical attributes of the brain that are affected when we engage in creativity. By the way, these changes in the brain also improve overall health, longevity and quality of life. When we create and master something new, our sense of well being is enhanced. Doing a painting, learning a dance, performing music, participating in an arts activity shows that we are, indeed, capable of doing or learning something new. This success tells our brains that we have greater control of our lives. This positive response sends signals to the immune system where new T cells are produced that help protect our bodies. According to Dr. Cohen’s research, T cells play a critical role in immune defense. Also stimulated are NK cells that “attack tumor cells and infected body cells.”

There are many other physiological changes that accompany participation in the arts as we age. It doesn’t seem to matter what your creative weapon is – dancing is great as is singing in a choir. People benefit from painting, sculpting, working with fabric, wood carving – there is no limit to the artistic medium. The key ingredients include the challenge to do something new, interaction with other people in the activity and a sense of accomplishment. Together, there is real evidence these elements combine to build brain power, a positive attitude and improved health in the second half of life.

a letter - from hand to heart

A recurring gift in my life comes to me in the form of hand written letters from my Cousin Bill who lives in my ancestral homeland of the West Midlands, England. The envelopes with the stamp of the Royal Mail are a bit thinner and silkier than ours – and there is never a return address on the outside. However, there is no a doubt who the letter is from because it is written in long hand, the careful, time-honored script of great letters that traveled over land and sea, rather than through cyberspace in 11 point Arial type.

When I receive a letter from Bill – who is a sharp, eloquent and wise 80-plus gentleman – everything stops. Work, worry, bustle, business. It is as if I’ve been visited by a cleansing ocean breeze and as Mr. Tolle, the spiritual guru espouses, there is only the Now. Bill is my dear grandfather’s nephew who he left behind when he emigrated from Liverpool in 1913. Ironically, Bill and I discovered each other due to the miracle of the Internet and his talented son, Stephen, who does online genealogy research. That something so disconnected, so impersonal could lead to family bonds that had lain dormant for many decades is a modern miracle of the digital age. It’s led to letters from family traveling back and forth over the thousands of miles and covering centuries of history.

But, Cousin Bill is no ordinary man of letters. He writes with the ornate hand carefully tutored during an era when penmanship was an art. The carefully drawn characters serve to support the quality of the thought that is expressed in his letters. No simple updates and weather reports from Bill. And if such topics are touched upon they come with a humor, thoughtfulness or turn of phrase that makes them literary in nature. Consider the simple telling of how the Vicar in our family (Rev. Steve Osbourne) managed to embellish his small parish in Caverswall, North Staffs.

Writes Bill: “Steve is Vicar, in my humble opinion a lovely, gentle and understanding human being – the kind which is not always appreciated in today’s somewhat frantic pace of modern society. … The village church is of Norman origin (he also has two churches in adjoining villages). His Cravenswall building had no functioning “peal of bells.” So, with the help of his parishioners he set up a fund to finance the renovation of the bells, which has now taken place. Alas, at first, no team of ringers, so a team of volunteers was trained and now they enjoy a full peal for all suitable occasions.”

A simple, lovely story that (pun intended) rings true – Puns, I have also found, run in our family for better and worse. This time it was a three page letter with an addition from the Internet – a bio on one of his favorite musicians, Ray Brown. He is an avid jazz fan.

Cousin Bill has experienced a very challenging year. And the winters in the West Midlands are seldom kind. They are perennially overcast, rainy or snowing with damp air that cuts through any manmade garment. Some solace comes in the warmth of the pub, a pint and some live music, good family and conversation. He is looking forward to spring to exorcise the dreary winter and closes:

“Today has been a lovely sunny day, hopefully winter is petering out. I am hoping for a regenerative spring to boost to my low energy levels. If spring time is starting early my hibernation feelings will gladly be at an end and I shall surely feel better for the change of season.” If you had not known this letter dates from March, 2011, could you not imagine it the same a century earlier?

Such a small gift from hand to heart, I wanted to share it with you and ask you to picture it, blue ink on white paper, curled flourishes on the start and end of letters. Timeless.

Elder scammer can't steal this heart

Imagine for a moment, you’re an official advocate for elders in your community, representing the well being of vulnerable older adults. You hear about elder abuse – financial, emotional and physical on a regular basis and you are dedicated to protecting the people you represent as a citizen appointed to a public commission. Then, something happens and you become a victim of a scam targeting seniors – you lose thousands of dollars and, perhaps fear loss of your credibility as a member of the commission you serve in a very public way.

What do you do? Hide and tell no one to “save face”? Hope the story doesn’t get out? Or, do you, as Melanie Rochin, member of the Sacramento Country Adult and Aging Commission did, immediately contact the daily newspaper and share every detail of the painful experience with the entire community. Melanie didn’t hesitate to pick up the phone and talk with Anita Creamer of Sacramento Bee because, as she is known to do, Melanie cared more about others who might be similarly harmed than she worried about herself.

The short version of the story: Melanie’s 80-plus year old husband gets a call from someone claiming to be his estranged son from a previous marriage. The caller says he is stuck in Canada, in jail, needs money to get bail, get to a hearing, is desperate and apologetic and needs thousands of dollars like – yesterday! You get the picture. He is convincing. What parent would smell a rat and hang up, forever wondering …?

Melanie did get a call back number and asked a bunch of appropriate questions. Case number, badge number and other such details. Something was tugging at the back of her mind, but family comes first and her husband was riding an emotional roller coaster. They wired more than $5,800 to a Texas-based money transfer firm. The kicker came with another early morning call the next day. The son needed a few thousand more – and Melanie’s husband asked a key question – what was the son’s grandmother’s name. The answer delivered a strike to the heart. “My grandmother’s name is $5,800 and I’ve got it right here.”

Thus ended and simultaneously began Melanie’s saga. Her courage and concern led to a very public disclosure about a problem that’s much larger than acknowledged. Just one day after the story was published Anita Creamer and Melanie had received hundreds of phone calls from people in the Sacramento region reporting similar experiences. Scammers acquire (steal) personal identities and then target elders, armed with information and responses that allow them to defraud and abuse caring people.

Melanie’s disclosure of her experience makes a very big difference in community awareness. It will no doubt educate thousands of people and prevent some from becoming victims. She may be out that precious $5,800 but her resolution and selflessness is priceless.

As a Commissioner, Melanie is known for her depth of involvement with the community. She attends numerous functions, volunteers at scores of places and is forever helping people in need. Two days after the article was published, she attended the regular monthly meeting of the Commission, holding her head high and thinking only of the hurt her husband suffered and of the people she hopes will be helped by her actions. Melanie is, I believe, a hero serving the public good.

Over 50? I choose style over frump!

A friend from Southern California recently sent me a piece from the L.A. Times. In it, the writer – who is a successful author of books for teens – declares that the best outfit fit “… to dress for middle-aged success” is to wear an “invisibility cloak,” such as that donned by the charming Harry Potter characters.

Amy Goldman Koss begins: “Bursitis, sciatica, loss of bladder control: These are not the ailments of youth. Nor are the other complaints my girlfriends and I discuss over lunch. Add in the self-loathing generated by our complaining, and you start to see the full pathos of the aging baby boomer.”

Describing herself as a “frumpy middle-aged woman,” she continues to bemoan the state of the body and spirit, the paucity of appropriate clothes for women on the other side of 30 and yearns to “fly under the radar.” She is convinced no one really looks at middle-aged women anyway, or, by extension, has much interest in them. Let me add that Ms. Koss does this all in a lighthearted manner, poking fun of herself first and foremost.

If you are a reader of this modest column, I suspect you can guess how I feel about this L.A. Times offering. Yes, I am concerned and in complete disagreement. I first thought the writer was at least 60, perhaps fighting a weight problem that made it more difficult to shop for clothes. I zipped to her website to discover that she is just middle-aged, attractive, not fat, and appears to be a successful working author with a great family life and an interesting personal story. Thus, I sense a threat in her premature declaration about the process of aging – particularly for women. Ms. Koss cannot possibly grasp the pathos of the aging Baby Boomer because she is barely (if at all) a member of our generation, nor does she appear to be “pathetic.”

I heartily agree with her that a woman of 65 may not want to wear a teeny, ruffled skirt with a hem that tickles the upper thighs, or expose our pierced belly buttons with hip hugging pants. Indeed, at a certain age women often choose eschew short sleeved blouses because our upper arms are not as sculpted as they once were. But, I still enjoy dressing for my occasions and making choices about the Baby Boomer I present to my world.

Lest you think that I am taking this all too seriously, let admit that I am, indeed, on a little mission. I advocate for aging in healthy, positive and productive ways – using the knowledge, technology and opportunities that abound for the Baby Boomer generation. That means fighting stereotypes, refusing to accept condescending endearments such as “dear” and “honey” or “young lady,” and highlighting our elders who exemplify the growth, beauty and wisdom that come with age.

At the same time, I’m not in denial. Perhaps Ms. Koss will one day lean over a reflective surface and see staring back at her a face resembling that of a Shar-Pei. I know I will never make that mistake again! If course there are changes to our physical self as time and gravity act upon our bodies. When we first start to notice this happening it’s natural to react – perhaps behind well intended humor. However, acceptance and appreciation must also come with time spent on this planet – I think she’s maybe not yet done enough time. I am confident that, with her creativity and ability express herself through her art – Ms. Koss will become one of the great success stories I promote.

I am NOT your "dear"

I’d planned to write an advocacy blog - something about our responsibility as Baby Boomers to demand respect; to refuse to be treated as diminished adults who silently accept being talked-down-to, and urging us to become actively defiant of stereotypes about aging. I became determined to cover this topic after a chipper waitress in a tony San Francisco restaurant referred to me with the “D” word (that would be “dear”). I talked myself down with the help of my rational husband who (rationally) dislikes ‘scenes.’

Then, in preparation for my tutorial on respect for one’s elders I discovered some disturbing information. Not only does American society stereotype people who appear older than 50, the elders among us share the damaging (and inaccurate) impression that growing older is synonymous with disturbing negatives. The problem, it seems, is endemic in our Baby Boomer population as well as in those who are our seniors. If we are to (eventually) change society’s perception of aging we must begin within.

A study from a Yale University psychologist tracked a group of more than 400 adults over a span of 35 years. Their health stats, habits and blood tests were included in the analysis along with their individual attitudes about aging. Those people who had negative ideas about what it means to become older had more illnesses and heart problems than participants who held no such beliefs. There was a measurable difference in both quality of life and quantity (longevity) in participants who had no preconceptions about aging.

So, what are some of the stereotypes that accompany aging? That we are less than competent, in need of protection, lacking in the ability to think quickly and creatively, probably don’t hear well and are on a steadily declining ramp to dementia and death. According to author Elizabeth Dozois, one study showed that 90 percent of elder respondents believed they would be afflicted with dementia. The truth is that about 4 percent of the elder population suffers from severe dementia. Since simple arithmetic is my strong point I am pleased to point out that 96 percent of people remain mentally competent. By the way, I am today actually better at math than I was at the age of 15 when my mind was focused on a certain cute drummer in the high school band.

Fallacious thinking such as this pervades our society and extends to many aspects of aging. Those of us over 55 are as varied and capable as is the general population. Some of us are talented, brilliant, interesting, creative, engaging and innovative. Some of us are unmotivated, lazy, disengaged, disagreeable and (as one reader called me personally) – “crabby old ladies.” We are emblematic of humanity, part of the colorful tapestry.

To be fair, the media perpetuates the stereotypes that will impact the largest single older generation that America has ever known – Baby Boomers. With the exception of certain Public Television programs, the few older characters featured in TV usually reinforce the stereotypes and, when they don’t, they are instead clownish or ridiculously eccentric. They certainly do not represent those of us closer to the mainstream – working, volunteering, contributing, creating, remembering, consciously managing the aging process through being proactive and educated. The power of television to form opinions and attitudes is formidable. As participants in reality we don’t have a comparable platform to counteract our cartoon characters.

Baby Boomers have an opportunity, indeed a responsibility, to contribute to a new awareness about the aging process. A recent study, for example, shows that as people age, they become happier and more satisfied. More than 340,000 individuals were surveyed and the results, published in May, overwhelming indicates that people feel less stress, worry and anger as they grow older. At the same time feelings of happiness and enjoyment increase significantly after the age of 50.
Baby Boomers promise to be active and involved in life. We intend to take charge of our lives through education, managing our health and being engaged in business, the arts and society. It’s up to us to erase the current cultural stereotype of aging, and that begins with examining and reassessing our own beliefs.

Thus, I believe that the next time a server calls me a condescending term of endearment I will not yield to polite silence. I will share my matured wisdom with a few words of kind advice about how to prevent his or her tip from declining.

Gen Y - Listen Up!

So, my husband and I were leaving DeVere’s Irish pub as twilight descended. A couple of young business bucks were on the patio tossing down pints. They were using (shall we say) colorful language. One apologized to me and assured him it was no problem (he hasn’t heard me express myself). Then, as we were walking away I heard him remark that his grandmother wouldn’t approve of that vernacular.

Now, I have finally settled into young people asking me if I want the senior discount – but I am far from being a 20-something’s grandmother. I wanted to pummel the little Gen Y troglodyte. It’s very difficult, sometimes, for those of us with more mature judgment to ignore the unintentional slights of youth. And, I am thinking that maybe we shouldn’t!

Baby Boomers are sweeping onto the population charts in record numbers – and we are planning to live longer and better than any generation before us. Perhaps it’s time to exert our well earned authority. Toward that, I should have made that young man wash his mouth with soap – or eat his words. Note to anyone under the age of 40 – don’t presume to guess the age of anyone who looks old enough to be your parent (or grandparent). It’s not polite and puts you in the general classification of “Jerk.”

Furthermore, please don’t call us “honey,” or “sweetie” or “dear.” This is inherently condescending. It implies a superiority you have not lived long enough to claim. It’s women who are most prone to issue this unintended slight although I have had young men (clerks in stores, dudes behind the counter) toss me this empty term of endearment. I am not your sweetie or honey. We’ve never been properly introduced and I think I would find you quite boring if I was forced to have a conversation with you.

As older adults who want to maintain dignity and exercise our rights of elder-hood, I think we owe it to the young to demand a level of respect. For me, this means refusing to tolerate or ignore these small gaffs. How will they know if we don’t inform them? Of course, really nice Baby Boomers will find a gentle, acceptable way to get the message across: “I know you mean well, but I’d rather you didn’t address me that way. It’s inappropriate.” I am striving to be that reasonable. My response? “Listen kid, do you know who I am? I am Georgia O’Keefe, Madam Curie, Elizabeth Stanton, Marian Anderson, Amelia Earhart. I am not your grandma – and if I was, you’d have better manners.”

With our burgeoning older generation I think it’s time to aggressively seek to change the stereotypes about “seniors.” We are not feeble, slow, childlike, dependent or a host of other misconceptions that accompany moving into the second half of life. I’m interested in what other Boomers and our parents would like to see changed about the way we are perceived. Comments welcome!

READ COMMENTS from readers!

Age: More than a State of Mind

If you are over the age of 50 it‘s likely that you’ve been told the following; “Age is just a state of mind.” I certainly was told that by my daughter when she was in her early 30s – like anyone in their 30s is an expert on age?

The truth about this assertion is a mixed bag of “yes” and “no.” The state of one’s mind certainly does affect how we feel. There are measurable differences in the health and well being of people who have positive vs. negative attitudes – at any age. When people are laughing, happy, energetic and optimistic the release of endorphins in the body increases. According to a paper presented to the American Physiological Society last year, stress hormones such as cortisol, epinephrine and dopac are reduced by as much as 70 percent under the influence of laughter. When these stressors are diminished, the immune system appears to benefit - leading to improved health.

It’s important to note that regular aerobic exercise offers similar benefits. Clearly, being active, upbeat and involved with life offers benefits that support the “state of mind” theory. On the other hand, aging is also a purely physical state. Undeniable things happen with the passing years. After the age of 60 we get shorter – women loose more height than men. We gain weight in midlife and lose it in later years. Without compensating exercise, muscle strength diminishes, and both men and women can experience bone loss in the form of osteoporosis.

We also lose aerobic capacity over the decades. A 2005 study by a coalition of university researchers showed accelerated decline after the age of 40 – more profound in men than in women. However, according to U.C. geriatrician Michael McCloud, MD, physically active older people can actually have “greater aerobic capacity than young sedentary ones.” That’s good news because this is an area over which we have some control.

A bodily state that accompanies aging becomes most apparent in the skin. We get those wrinkles that are often more disturbing to females of the species than to men (who generally think they’re gorgeous no matter what). I, for one, certainly never look down at myself in a reflective surface because I see a Shar Pei staring back. Interestingly, if we cared about the effect of time upon the epidermis and dermis while we were young, this is yet another aspect of aging which we may control. About 90 percent of damage to skin comes from the sun and not from the biological clock. It’s time to tell our granddaughters about this!

There is a growing body of information about the real dynamics of aging and much of it comes from a study launched in 1958. The Baltimore Longitudinal Study of Aging followed more than 1,400 volunteers and examined multiple aspects of aging. The study continues to this day – providing valuable information never before available. Among the findings are some general conclusions that provide us with encouragement and a measure of hope for a healthy future: There is no master clock; chronological age isn’t a good predictor of performance; there is significant individual variation, and lifestyle decisions (such as smoking, drinking alcohol in excess, a sedentary lifestyle and diet choices) have an observable influence on occurrence of disease, among other conclusions. According to Dr. McCloud, with normal aging, we should be able to live independently at least until the age of 100! That’s because, outside of serious diseases such as cancer and Alzheimer’s, there is a lot that’s within our control. The good doctor is fond of say ‘hardly anyone dies of old age.’

To foster that state of mind that sets our aging clock back 10 year and more, I like the very practical suggestions Dr. McCloud gave to my recent class at UCD Mini-Medical School:

Maintain your own health records;
Have a healthy distrust of medications;
Eat a highly varied diet and ignore food supplement crazes;
Allow only one doctor to prescribe medications;
Have a social network outside the home;
Be an avid walker;
Be a lifelong learner, and
Avoid hospitalizations

Many of us are surprised to observe the signs of aging. We’re fond of saying that, inside, we feel exactly as we did when we were a sexy 40! But, truth is, after a certain age we are wise to embrace some cautionary limitations on how we treat our bodies. At the same time, it’s just as important to embrace a state of mind that keeps us active, vital and positively thinking about life after 50.

Toast to Longevity!

Week two at UC Davis Mini-Med School started out with an eminent doctor expertly dancing ala-Michael Jackson before launching into his lecture on sleep and aging. It’s just that kind of ‘medical school’ – a little music, some comedy, lots of laughs and a boat load of information getting passed along – for free – to a few hundred fortunate people.

I am of the viewpoint that this annual series on the Second Half of Life should attract crowds of people in their 30s and 40s – give the younger generation ammunition for the inevitable onset of age (if they’re lucky). However, when one is young, issues such as lack of sleep, heart disease, disabilities and how the body functions over time probably don’t seem as interesting as roaming Second Saturday or sipping nice glasses of Pinot Noir with age mates.

But, on that topic, the red wine drinking crowd will be interested to know a tidbit I learned from the doc who lectured on nutrition during last week’s Mini-med session. Resveratrol, a compound in the skin of grapes that’s present in red wine, appears to afford a number of benefits – at least in non-human lab tests. Among the potential blessings of consuming red wine (white to a much lesser extent) is an effect that mimics caloric restriction and, thus, increases life expectancy. Think French food – lots of butter and fatty indulgences without the high rate of heart disease enjoyed by Americans who eat more and drink less! Dr. Calvin Hirsch, however, quickly pointed out this trend in France is slowly being diminished in relationship to the number of McDonalds opening in the country.

According to research cited by the doctor, Australian Pinot Noir has the highest concentration of Resveraterol. However, to deliver the positive effects (along with the many negatives of drinking far too much alcohol) one must consume a great deal of red wine. (Some people might consider being too drunk to work an acceptable trade off for all that longevity.)

Later in the series we will be hearing more information about Resveratrol that challenges the supremacy of red wine. A U.C. Davis professor and scientist has evidence that a daily beer delivers more of the magic compound than does a glass of red wine.

We also learned that doses of vitamin D, calcium and B12 are essential to continued healthy aging and that CoQ10 also appears to offer some excellent benefits. We got the word on how much of each supplement we need – and also what foods offer good daily doses – blueberries and pomegranate juice; fatty (small) fish, and eating daily meals based on a ‘Mediterranean Diet’ are just part of the formula.

Saturday mornings in a lecture hall at U.C. Davis help me wrap up a week that’s been filled with thinking about almost everything other than personal health and well being. There’s my nonprofit obsession, my writing, websites to create, great ideas to have and quickly discard lest I choose to actually do them and the utter busy-ness of life.

Check out Mini-Med school and think about next year!

Photo: The skin in red grapes is rich in Resveratrol

Making the Most of the Second Act

Saturday I began my second year of the UC Davis School of Medicine’s Mini Med School. Even if I completely retained the entire body of information from last year’s 6 week course (which I guarantee you I did not) I would want to join the weekly class anyway – it’s great to be inspired and informed by top professionals in the medical arena.

Dr. Michael McCloud is the driving force behind the annual series of classes held on consecutive Saturdays in February. The teachers come from U.C. medical school faculty and are often among the top experts in their fields. And, did I mention that the series is entirely free?

This year, nearly 500 people flooded into a lecture hall at UC Davis to take advantage of the opportunity. Yes, I estimate that 95% were over the age of 55 – some, well beyond that youthful mark. With the focus on making the second-half of life as healthy and enjoyable as possible, the appeal to the Baby Boomer population is obvious. We see that we have the promise of longer lives and we want those years to be hail and hearty. Some of us have watched with great concern as our parents slowly declined after “retirement.” Those changes can be very pain for families – and, perhaps unnecessary if we take consciously take control of a healthy future.

Dr. McCloud begins the first hour-long class with a slap in the face about the realities of aging. Yes, your earlobes do get longer and so does your nose (at least more prominent.) Women – we get about 3 inches shorter. Men, you don’t watch your health as well as women do and consequently usually die younger. There are other bodily changes to fret over and the good Doctor does not mince his words. He eschews the idea of “life span” in favor of “health span,” and describes this stage of life as “Not measured in birthdays but in losses and increased vulnerabilities.”

On the other hand, there is a great deal that we can do to steer our own body-vessels around many of the common threats to ‘health and longevity. This is Dr. McCloud’s take-away message and the entire point to Mini-Med School. Among the easiest ways to keep heart, muscle and mind strong is to exercise – don’t be frightened, no one’s talking tri-athalons and bench presses! Simple walking at a reasonable pace for maybe 30 minutes at least three times a week is enough to positively impact our health. A little simple weight resistance that can be done in the comfort of our homes helps to maintain healthy bones and gentle stretching is easy to do with Oprah (or Jim Lehrer) in the background. The courses also cover which supplements do (and don’t) support health, information about how the organs of the body work (and don’t), diet and nutrition (nothing radical here, just common sense) and other topics including a lecture of the beatitudes of beer. Dr. McCloud ‘health span includes years that are, “Free of chronic disease and disability.”

The classes are in no way “dumbed-down” for a lay audience. It’s a real medical education that delivered with humor, intensity and the expectation that the docs who volunteer to lecture really are making a difference in hundreds of lives. U.C. Mini Med School is a community-based program that’s worthy of community and corporate support. According to the folks I’ve spoken with, it’s pretty much one-of-a-kind and Sacramento ought to be proud and aware.

However, I have one observation to offer. The time to educate ourselves and prepare for the inevitability that many of us will be fortunate enough to enjoy "successfully aging," as Dr. McCloud is fond of saying, is not after the train has arrived at the station. I appreciate the preponderance of elders (I mean that term with the greatest respect) who attend the forums. However, I’d like to see at least half the room filled with 40-somethings preparing themselves for longer, better lives as they march to life’s midpoint and beyond. What a great time to absorb information, to create new habits, to get committed to lifetime regimens that could forever change our perceptions of aging.

I find the topic of healthy longevity fascinating – I read voraciously about it and had planned to get a Master’s Degree in a special area of aging (until our system of higher Ed collapsed and sunk the course). Now, it’s up to me to tap resources on my own and, thanks to U.C. Davis School of Medicine I have one of the nation’s top schools available to my inquiring mind – and aging (well) body. Next year, I’ll drag along someone at least a decade younger than me and see what happens when someone gets a healthy head start!

The book: 15 unsolicited queries floating in cyberspace and more to come this week.

Photo: The entertainingly brilliant Dr. Michael McCloud.